1 00:00:01,609 --> 00:00:03,133 How y'doin'? 2 00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:04,699 I used to be Jimmy Falcone... 3 00:00:04,699 --> 00:00:07,789 until I testified against the mob to save my Uncle Cheech. 4 00:00:07,789 --> 00:00:09,226 But living in witness protection 5 00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:11,097 ain't all peaches and herb. 6 00:00:11,097 --> 00:00:12,011 The Feds whisk you out of your home 7 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:14,318 and stick you in an army base 8 00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:15,667 and ya gotta leave everything behind. 9 00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:19,410 Call me sentimental, but I had a lifetime of memories 10 00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,977 back home buried under my floorboard in small, 11 00:00:21,977 --> 00:00:24,110 unmarked bills. 12 00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:26,373 So I busted out to retrieve my nest egg! 13 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:40,344 Dude! Awesome graphics! 14 00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:52,530 Remember, we're here for the nest egg and nothing else. 15 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:53,357 [door opens] 16 00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:55,315 Oh no, it's Gambini's guys! 17 00:00:55,315 --> 00:00:58,013 Ah Jimmy, they bought your old house? 18 00:00:58,013 --> 00:01:00,929 No, they're here to kill us. 19 00:01:00,929 --> 00:01:03,106 Get ready to bust some heads. 20 00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:15,553 Oh crap, we're at the Spinolli house next door. 21 00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,337 Awww, look how big Angelo got. 22 00:01:17,337 --> 00:01:20,601 So we went next door and got the nest egg. 23 00:01:20,601 --> 00:01:21,820 It was kind of uneventful. 24 00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:24,257 But we got it with us now since witness protection 25 00:01:24,257 --> 00:01:26,564 put us here in Vagina --Regina -- 26 00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:27,913 Saskatchewan. 27 00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:30,524 'Cause if anyone thinks they can separate a Falcone 28 00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,526 from his memories... 29 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,180 Fugget about it! 30 00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:35,442 ♪ Let me tell you something ♪ 31 00:01:35,442 --> 00:01:38,097 ♪ 'bout a friend or ours named Jimmy ♪ 32 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:41,056 ♪ made the Wiseguy and the Capo with Gambini ♪ 33 00:01:41,056 --> 00:01:43,058 ♪ When he found out they'd be whacking Uncle Cheech ♪ 34 00:01:43,058 --> 00:01:45,365 ♪ He take the boss, 35 00:01:45,365 --> 00:01:47,237 ♪ He threw him from the 19th floor suite ♪ 36 00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:50,153 ♪ Wasn't much long 'til the mob wants him dead ♪ 37 00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:53,112 ♪ So Jimmy had no choice but to talk to all the Feds ♪ 38 00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:56,289 ♪ the Feds say they have to take and use him as a pawn ♪ 39 00:01:56,289 --> 00:01:57,943 ♪ So he ratted out his friends and moved to Saskatchewan ♪ 40 00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,250 ♪ Fugget about it 41 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,773 ♪ Fugget about it 42 00:02:01,773 --> 00:02:02,904 ♪ Fugget about it 43 00:02:02,904 --> 00:02:04,167 Oh! Fugget about it! 44 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,387 So how'd ya like fishing, kid? 45 00:02:07,387 --> 00:02:09,476 It's a barbaric, disgusting endeavour. 46 00:02:09,476 --> 00:02:10,738 Yeah, me too. 47 00:02:10,738 --> 00:02:12,958 Thanks for coming. 48 00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:14,960 Ever since they whacked Fredo in Godfather II, 49 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,875 I never go fishing without a kid in the boat. 50 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:20,835 [loud siren] 51 00:02:20,835 --> 00:02:22,315 They'll never take us alive. 52 00:02:22,315 --> 00:02:23,664 They can take me alive. 53 00:02:23,664 --> 00:02:24,970 Not if I can help it! 54 00:02:26,667 --> 00:02:29,279 Hey look at that, Petey. 55 00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:32,107 The cop's got pigtails. 56 00:02:32,107 --> 00:02:34,066 License and registration, please. 57 00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:36,111 Say, when you report this to headquarters, 58 00:02:36,111 --> 00:02:39,071 you gonna use the radio, or smoke-signals? 59 00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,333 Hoh! 60 00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,422 Uncle Cheech, you can't make jokes like that. 61 00:02:42,422 --> 00:02:44,946 I'm sorry, Officer. 62 00:02:44,946 --> 00:02:46,426 Aw, lighten up. 63 00:02:46,426 --> 00:02:48,646 A bust like this is a real feather in his cap. 64 00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:50,430 Hoh! 65 00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:52,084 Please, step out of the car, sir. 66 00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,913 What are you gonna do, scalp me? 67 00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,610 Hey-o! 68 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,090 Wait a second. 69 00:02:58,090 --> 00:03:00,135 You can't arrest someone for speeding! 70 00:03:00,135 --> 00:03:01,833 This is Canada, sir. 71 00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,051 I'm arresting you for hurting my feelings. 72 00:03:10,537 --> 00:03:12,060 Hoh! Rejected! 73 00:03:14,976 --> 00:03:17,152 Nothing but net. And the Garden goes wild! 74 00:03:17,152 --> 00:03:19,372 [doorbell] 75 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:25,073 Hi, I'm Annabelle Westminster, this is my daughter Emily. 76 00:03:26,901 --> 00:03:28,207 Hoh! 77 00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:29,730 And the lady I don't know takes one in the head. 78 00:03:29,730 --> 00:03:32,429 Jimmy we have company! 79 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:34,909 Don't do that in the living room, take it to the kitchen! 80 00:03:34,909 --> 00:03:37,869 That's my husband, hands off. 81 00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:39,610 Hi, I'm Cookie McDougal. 82 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,960 "Cookie"; What an interesting name! 83 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,397 It was a stage name and it stuck. 84 00:03:44,397 --> 00:03:46,312 Oh, were you an actress? 85 00:03:46,312 --> 00:03:48,227 Dancer.Ballet? 86 00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:49,141 I said dancer. Drop it. 87 00:03:49,141 --> 00:03:51,839 What the hell you s'posed to be? 88 00:03:51,839 --> 00:03:53,885 Emily's a Field Girl. 89 00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:55,234 She was hoping to earn her Recruitment Badge... 90 00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:59,107 but clearly we've come to the wrong house. 91 00:03:59,107 --> 00:04:00,544 What's that supposed to mean? 92 00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:01,545 It's just that, well, 93 00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,764 some people are suited for Field Girls 94 00:04:03,764 --> 00:04:05,984 and some just aren't. 95 00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,115 What? 96 00:04:07,115 --> 00:04:08,508 We're not good enough for Field Girls? 97 00:04:08,508 --> 00:04:11,424 I got news for you sister, we're too good for Field Girls! 98 00:04:11,424 --> 00:04:12,556 What's a Field Girl? 99 00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,558 [siren] 100 00:04:17,212 --> 00:04:18,910 Trouble with the law? 101 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,216 Well, ta, ta. 102 00:04:21,216 --> 00:04:22,479 Okay that's it! 103 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,045 Gina, you're joining the Field Girls! 104 00:04:24,045 --> 00:04:26,221 Ma! Ma!Not now. 105 00:04:26,221 --> 00:04:28,267 Ma! No! I don't wanna! 106 00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,703 You're a girl, you can be a Field Girl. 107 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,226 End of discussion. 108 00:04:31,226 --> 00:04:32,184 Pop! Pop! 109 00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,578 Really Petey? On a free throw? 110 00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:35,579 [phone rings] 111 00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:39,104 At the buzzer! 112 00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:41,411 Hello? VOICE: You have a collect call from: 113 00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,586 CHEECH: Jimmy, don't accept the charges, 114 00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:43,935 but I'm in jail and you gotta get me out! 115 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,240 And tape Star Trek! 116 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:46,546 Not the first one, the third one! 117 00:04:46,546 --> 00:04:48,069 Wait! Which one has --[beep] 118 00:04:48,069 --> 00:04:51,116 Aw, just when I was headed for the playoffs. 119 00:04:51,812 --> 00:04:53,771 What are you doing? 120 00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:55,773 Trying to grow a penis. 121 00:04:58,819 --> 00:05:01,866 Wow. Canadian jails. Not bad. 122 00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,650 I'm here to see Cheech McDougal. 123 00:05:03,650 --> 00:05:05,348 Ah yes, Mr. McDougal. 124 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,654 He checked in earlier today. 125 00:05:07,654 --> 00:05:11,223 We have him staying in cell block D, for delightful. 126 00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:12,485 Just turn left at the Zen garden. 127 00:05:12,485 --> 00:05:13,834 Champagne, sir? 128 00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:16,402 Don't mind if I do... 129 00:05:16,402 --> 00:05:18,186 Ya dirty screw. 130 00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:21,929 Hey look fellas! Darryl's out of solitary. 131 00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:23,104 How was it? 132 00:05:23,104 --> 00:05:24,105 Sooo relaxing. 133 00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:27,413 Totally worth killing that guard. 134 00:05:27,413 --> 00:05:28,414 Lucky duck. 135 00:05:28,414 --> 00:05:30,677 Cheech? 136 00:05:30,677 --> 00:05:31,983 Hey Jimmy! Great to see you. 137 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:34,420 Come on in, it's not locked. 138 00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:36,117 I bet this is what jail is like in heaven. 139 00:05:36,117 --> 00:05:40,121 But how is this a detergent to crime? 140 00:05:40,121 --> 00:05:41,296 Mr. McDougal, can I get your dinner order? 141 00:05:41,296 --> 00:05:44,648 Thanks Donnie, I'll have the Surf and Turf. 142 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,171 And don't forget the ketchup. 143 00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,868 Cancel that order! 144 00:05:47,868 --> 00:05:51,481 He won't be suckling at the Queen's teat this evening. 145 00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,874 Cheech, Cheech, Cheech. 146 00:05:53,874 --> 00:05:55,354 You were making such fine progress, 147 00:05:55,354 --> 00:05:57,574 and then you go and disappoint me like this. 148 00:05:57,574 --> 00:06:01,795 I have half a mind to let you stay in this hellhole. 149 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,928 Why does Cheech get all the breaks? 150 00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:05,756 This is no laughing matter, Jimmy. 151 00:06:05,756 --> 00:06:09,455 Do you know what he did? Do you know what he did? 152 00:06:09,455 --> 00:06:12,719 Come to think of it, no. Come to think of it, no. 153 00:06:12,719 --> 00:06:17,289 He wantonly insulted a member of our country's First Nation. 154 00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:19,813 Nah, I just made fun of an Injun. 155 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,120 Nonetheless, I was able to get the charges dropped 156 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,601 on the condition that you attend 157 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,167 a cultural sensitivity seminar 158 00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:28,169 at the Black Paw First Nations Reserve. 159 00:06:28,169 --> 00:06:31,259 I believe that's "African American" paw. 160 00:06:31,259 --> 00:06:33,653 You can ask them yourself tomorrow 161 00:06:33,653 --> 00:06:34,828 when you attend the seminar, Jimmy. 162 00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,439 Why do I have to go? 163 00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:40,312 Because I haven't been appreciating your attitude. 164 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:46,797 Look at my baby girl! 165 00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:47,711 So cute! 166 00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,103 It's too tight. 167 00:06:49,103 --> 00:06:50,670 Actually, it seems a bit loose. 168 00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:52,977 Yeah, that's it! 169 00:06:52,977 --> 00:06:54,674 Too loose. It's fallin' off'a me. 170 00:06:54,674 --> 00:06:56,197 Look I've had enough. 171 00:06:56,197 --> 00:06:59,200 You're gonna be a Field Girl and that's final. 172 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,638 Ma, I'm not just sayin' this but, I swear... 173 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,378 My penis just came in. 174 00:07:03,378 --> 00:07:05,642 I like this. Do you have it in red? 175 00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:07,382 No, just green.How 'bout blue? 176 00:07:07,382 --> 00:07:08,122 No, just green. 177 00:07:08,122 --> 00:07:10,429 I look really good in pink. 178 00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:11,212 We just have it in green! 179 00:07:11,212 --> 00:07:13,780 Pinkish-green?Greenish-green! 180 00:07:13,780 --> 00:07:16,522 Is that like blue?Ugh... 181 00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:20,526 I don't know, Jimmy. 182 00:07:20,526 --> 00:07:22,702 I got some reservations about this. 183 00:07:22,702 --> 00:07:24,051 Hoh! 184 00:07:24,051 --> 00:07:25,531 Cut it out. 185 00:07:25,531 --> 00:07:26,140 If we get on these guys' good side, 186 00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:28,229 maybe we can leave early. 187 00:07:28,229 --> 00:07:31,232 How ya doing? I'm Jimmy McDougal. 188 00:07:31,232 --> 00:07:33,496 Just wanna say we Ita-- Scottish people 189 00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:36,281 love Indian people, love Indian culture, love Indian food, 190 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:39,240 although the curry does repeat on me. 191 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:39,937 That's Indian food. 192 00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:42,417 Yes sir and I love it. 193 00:07:42,417 --> 00:07:43,549 So now that we're friends, 194 00:07:43,549 --> 00:07:46,465 how 'bout you sign this so we can go home? 195 00:07:46,465 --> 00:07:48,467 I'm not sure that's how this is supposed to work. 196 00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:52,340 C'mon, guy to guy, what more is there for us 197 00:07:52,340 --> 00:07:54,995 to learn about you fellas? 198 00:07:54,995 --> 00:07:57,955 Ah jeez, I broke your people tree. 199 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,308 We burn Sweetgrass to purify ourselves 200 00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:04,831 and please the Spirits. 201 00:08:04,831 --> 00:08:06,485 Okay, I'll do this 202 00:08:06,485 --> 00:08:09,314 but you better have some munchies around! 203 00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:12,970 Clear your mind. 204 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,885 Look to the sky. 205 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,234 Your Spirit Guide will be revealed to you. 206 00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:25,330 Mine! Called it! 207 00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,074 What the..? 208 00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:32,729 I got a falcon. What'd you get? 209 00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:36,167 Some kind of abomination against God. 210 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:39,083 The ancient ones said that when conflicts arise, 211 00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:41,346 we must seek common ground. 212 00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:45,219 We must find what Indians and Scots have in common. 213 00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:50,268 I got nothing. 214 00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,836 Hey, I got one! How's this? 215 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:55,055 In Scotland, we wear skirts, called kilts. 216 00:08:55,055 --> 00:08:58,493 And you all wear loincloths. 217 00:08:58,493 --> 00:09:02,236 What I'm gettin' at is none of us are big on pants. 218 00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:04,935 Our people don't wear loincloths. 219 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,633 We'd freeze our nuts off you racist Scottish bastard. 220 00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:10,810 Hoh! Hey!Hoh! Hey! 221 00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:13,683 Everyone calm down! 222 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,902 Hey that's a nice piece. 223 00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:18,078 My father gave it to me. 224 00:09:18,078 --> 00:09:20,341 His father gave it to him. 225 00:09:20,341 --> 00:09:23,431 And his father bought it at some store. 226 00:09:23,431 --> 00:09:26,696 I didn't know you guys was into guns. 227 00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,567 Well if you're going to kill something, 228 00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:31,918 what are you gonna use, a banana? 229 00:09:31,918 --> 00:09:33,616 Hey we love killing too! 230 00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,226 You boys want to see killing. 231 00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:36,619 We'll show you some killing. 232 00:09:38,446 --> 00:09:41,145 Oh, he meant killing animals. 233 00:09:42,625 --> 00:09:45,453 Breathe slowly. Focus on the animal. 234 00:09:45,453 --> 00:09:47,934 Honour its noble spirit. 235 00:09:47,934 --> 00:09:50,241 And then we blow its brains out? 236 00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:51,416 Whenever you're ready. 237 00:09:54,245 --> 00:09:56,203 This grassy-knoll stuff reminds me of whackin' 238 00:09:56,203 --> 00:09:59,859 a certain President, which I had nothing to do with. 239 00:09:59,859 --> 00:10:01,556 Ya know, "our" way of doing things 240 00:10:01,556 --> 00:10:03,254 is a lot more efficient. 241 00:10:03,254 --> 00:10:04,385 Efficient? Listen chump. 242 00:10:04,385 --> 00:10:07,171 We use every part of the animal, 243 00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:08,868 and a lot of them are gross. 244 00:10:08,868 --> 00:10:10,783 Quiet, young one. 245 00:10:10,783 --> 00:10:13,612 He may have something to teach us. 246 00:10:13,612 --> 00:10:16,789 Tell us your way, Great and Wise Fat Man. 247 00:10:16,789 --> 00:10:19,662 Oh, we got lots. 248 00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,881 You gotta get in real close and... 249 00:10:21,881 --> 00:10:22,839 Bada-BING! 250 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:47,994 [♪] 251 00:10:51,998 --> 00:10:55,610 and the hat is what makes it a complete uniform. 252 00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:56,307 Cookie, hi. 253 00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:58,352 What are you doing here? 254 00:10:58,352 --> 00:11:01,791 I'm on a whore hunt. Got one! 255 00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:02,966 And good news. 256 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:04,619 We received the cookies for our annual sale, 257 00:11:04,619 --> 00:11:06,970 so pick up your boxes on the way out, 258 00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:09,886 along with the updated list of local sex offenders. 259 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:12,889 Make sure you read it this year, Mary. 260 00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:15,500 But he bought so many cookies. 261 00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:18,459 So many cookies. 262 00:11:18,459 --> 00:11:20,723 Don't work your daughter too hard. 263 00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:24,204 My Emily has broken the sales record for the last three years. 264 00:11:24,204 --> 00:11:26,946 Maybe that's 'cause you ain't had any real competition. 265 00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:28,774 And we still don't. 266 00:11:28,774 --> 00:11:30,515 Was that an insult? 267 00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:33,344 Cute. Allow me to retort. 268 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:38,044 F--- yooouuu. 269 00:11:38,044 --> 00:11:39,176 Now, THAT was an insult. 270 00:11:39,176 --> 00:11:42,005 Come and see me later if you'd like another. 271 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:45,051 Well Cookie, I cordially invite you to bring it. 272 00:11:45,051 --> 00:11:47,880 Oh, it's broughten. 273 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,926 ...and the sewing badge and the baking badge 274 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,536 and the composting badge and... 275 00:11:51,536 --> 00:11:54,104 Is there an "I Quit Badge"? 276 00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:58,021 For your sincere efforts at our cultural exchange, 277 00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:01,807 we would like to make you honorary members of our tribe. 278 00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:06,856 Your Black Paw name will be "Hunts With Handgun". 279 00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:09,859 And you will be known as "S--- For Brains". 280 00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:13,036 Hey, that's what my Dad used to call me. 281 00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:13,732 [loud machines] 282 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:16,343 Oh no! They're here! 283 00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,607 What's going on? 284 00:12:19,607 --> 00:12:21,348 The government is building a highway 285 00:12:21,348 --> 00:12:24,221 across our sacred hunting grounds. 286 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,179 Those savages! 287 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:27,528 No offense. 288 00:12:27,528 --> 00:12:29,748 We tried every legal avenue to stop 'em, 289 00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:30,401 but they're the government. 290 00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:32,533 You gotta fight back. 291 00:12:32,533 --> 00:12:33,752 Arm yourselves. 292 00:12:33,752 --> 00:12:35,145 Go to the mattresses! 293 00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:38,409 Historically, fighting back hasn't been our best option. 294 00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,106 Or have you never read a book? 295 00:12:40,106 --> 00:12:41,978 What I mean is you can't let 'em get away with this. 296 00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:44,067 Back in Brooklyn - Scotland - 297 00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,373 when we had a problem we did whatever it took. 298 00:12:46,373 --> 00:12:48,854 Blackmail, bribery, kidnapping, extortion. 299 00:12:48,854 --> 00:12:51,161 Tell us more, Hunts With Handgun. 300 00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:53,990 Well, those are typically the big four. 301 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:56,601 So if you could just nod and act like I'm telling you 302 00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,124 about these stupid cookies, 303 00:12:58,124 --> 00:13:00,561 that would get my old lady off my a--. 304 00:13:03,129 --> 00:13:04,609 He's allergic to wheat. 305 00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:05,349 Can we go home now? 306 00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,830 No, we are not going home. 307 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:10,833 I'm going to show you how to sell and you'll be great at it. 308 00:13:13,748 --> 00:13:14,924 Hello. 309 00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:16,795 This is my daughter Gina. 310 00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:18,405 She's selling cookies for the Field Girls -- 311 00:13:18,405 --> 00:13:18,884 No thank you. 312 00:13:18,884 --> 00:13:21,147 Wait. 313 00:13:21,147 --> 00:13:24,672 She's very sick and won't be with us much longer. 314 00:13:24,672 --> 00:13:26,109 [coughs] 315 00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:29,286 Oh, sweetie... 316 00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,114 At the next one, act retarded. 317 00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:37,598 I'm tellin' ya, Jimmy, that spirit guide they showed me? 318 00:13:37,598 --> 00:13:38,643 The thing's been haunting my dreams. 319 00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:41,515 Come on, it couldn'ta been that bad. 320 00:13:41,515 --> 00:13:44,040 It was furry with a tail like a beaver 321 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,651 and a duck face and webbed claws. 322 00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,347 Get the f--- outta here. 323 00:13:47,347 --> 00:13:48,958 It's called a platypus. 324 00:13:48,958 --> 00:13:51,569 Hey! Language. 325 00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,963 No, no. Look, I'll google it. 326 00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:55,355 That's it! 327 00:13:55,355 --> 00:13:56,922 That's my spirit animal! 328 00:13:56,922 --> 00:13:58,228 Ech. 329 00:13:58,228 --> 00:14:00,273 Looks like Satan dropped a deuce. 330 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,014 Come on, Jimmy, he'll hear ya'. 331 00:14:02,014 --> 00:14:03,450 Jimmy, you're not gonna believe 332 00:14:03,450 --> 00:14:04,974 how many Field Girl cookies we sold! 333 00:14:04,974 --> 00:14:06,976 The deadline's tomorrow. We can just coast. 334 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:09,500 I'm gonna shove that sales record up that Annabelle's ass. 335 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,981 Hmm, foul language. 336 00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:13,634 Hello Cookie. 337 00:14:13,634 --> 00:14:16,115 Just calling to let you know we sold ninety boxes. 338 00:14:16,115 --> 00:14:18,988 'You hear what I said? Ninety. Yes ninety. 339 00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:20,293 Nine times ten. 340 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:20,990 Forty-five times two. 341 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,035 Forty-five plus forty-five. 342 00:14:23,035 --> 00:14:26,647 Eighty-two plus eight which comes to ninety. 343 00:14:26,647 --> 00:14:27,997 We sold two hundred and twenty. 344 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:31,087 We sold two hundred and thirty. Gotta go. 345 00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:33,741 Gina! Theresa! Petey! Get your butts down here! 346 00:14:33,741 --> 00:14:35,526 We gotta sell some cookies! 347 00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:38,398 Ah come on Ma, we already sold three times thirty. 348 00:14:38,398 --> 00:14:39,791 Don't argue. 349 00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:42,968 We took your advice, Hunts With Handgun. 350 00:14:42,968 --> 00:14:46,929 We kidnapped someone to settle the land dispute. 351 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,018 [grunting] 352 00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,715 What the hell you bring him here for? 353 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:53,848 You never told us what to do after the kidnapping. 354 00:14:53,848 --> 00:14:56,764 [grunting] 355 00:14:56,764 --> 00:14:58,462 Can you believe these guys? 356 00:14:58,462 --> 00:14:59,332 Well, we gotta be good hosts. 357 00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,595 Who wants corn? 358 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:09,516 This is bad, Cheech. 359 00:15:09,516 --> 00:15:10,517 We get busted in something like this, 360 00:15:10,517 --> 00:15:12,780 we get kicked out of witness protection. 361 00:15:12,780 --> 00:15:14,130 Then we move back to New York. 362 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:16,175 Where the mob is waitin' to kill us. 363 00:15:16,175 --> 00:15:20,179 There's just no winning with you. 364 00:15:20,179 --> 00:15:22,616 Okay, what you gotta do now is get in touch with the top guy 365 00:15:22,616 --> 00:15:26,925 in the province and use this guy as your bargaining chip. 366 00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:30,146 Uh... this is the top guy. 367 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,887 What?He is the Premier of Saskatchewan. 368 00:15:32,887 --> 00:15:34,106 What's a Premier? 369 00:15:34,106 --> 00:15:35,455 It is like a governor. 370 00:15:35,455 --> 00:15:36,848 It means 'First'. 371 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:37,849 First what? 372 00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:39,938 Why you askin' so many questions? 373 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:42,288 We got a guy in a bag here. 374 00:15:42,288 --> 00:15:45,378 Yeah, I probably shoulda told you not to grab the boss. 375 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,250 Alright ya bastards! 376 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:50,383 The Right Honorable Mickey O'Shea never forgets a face! 377 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,646 You're all going down for this! 378 00:15:52,646 --> 00:15:54,474 I also should have mentioned 379 00:15:54,474 --> 00:15:55,954 not to let the hostage see our faces. 380 00:15:55,954 --> 00:15:58,826 Now we gotta kill him. 381 00:15:58,826 --> 00:16:00,263 Go ahead and try, old man. 382 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,787 I'll twist off yer nipples and flick 'em in the gutter! 383 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,963 Alright, Primo, relax. 384 00:16:04,963 --> 00:16:06,312 We don't want to kill you. 385 00:16:06,312 --> 00:16:08,532 We just want you to give these guys their land back. 386 00:16:08,532 --> 00:16:09,272 They get nothing! 387 00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:11,883 Mickey O'Shea never loses! 388 00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,102 I took on the Wheat Board and won -- twice! 389 00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:17,584 Okay, tying the guy up right 390 00:16:17,584 --> 00:16:20,109 you shoulda figured out on your own! 391 00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:22,633 ...and my Dad's a no-good drunk and he says if I don't 392 00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:26,550 sell these boxes by sundown, I shouldn't bother coming home. 393 00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:28,073 Save me! 394 00:16:29,770 --> 00:16:31,076 'Tanks, lady. 395 00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:40,390 Wanna buy some -- 396 00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:42,392 Thank you. 397 00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:45,438 Hey, where did these come from? 398 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,310 ...and so the cookie really first appeared 399 00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,789 in seventh century Persia; 400 00:16:48,789 --> 00:16:50,965 one of the first countries to cultivate sugar. 401 00:16:50,965 --> 00:16:52,489 And while the word "cookie" or "little cake" originated 402 00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:54,621 in the Netherlands, it was adopted by - 403 00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:58,234 Okay! I'll take ten boxes if you just shut up! 404 00:17:01,628 --> 00:17:02,281 [doorbell] 405 00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:07,330 Oh. Never mind. 406 00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:08,853 Look, I just don't want any. 407 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,376 Okay, I'll level with ya. 408 00:17:10,376 --> 00:17:11,986 I'm just doing this to stick it to this broad, 409 00:17:11,986 --> 00:17:13,727 Annabelle Westminster. 410 00:17:13,727 --> 00:17:14,859 That sanctimonious know-it-all? 411 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:17,296 I'll take a dozen. 412 00:17:17,296 --> 00:17:18,776 Thanks! 413 00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:21,170 You know we should hang out, have some tea, 414 00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:22,867 eat some cookies and go over to her house 415 00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:23,781 and cut her brakeline. 416 00:17:26,784 --> 00:17:28,438 You let me go, or I'll pull off your arm 417 00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:30,309 and hit ya with the wet end! 418 00:17:30,309 --> 00:17:32,311 You know, Jimmy, I kinda wanna see that. 419 00:17:32,311 --> 00:17:33,878 Lemme tell ya' something, Primo. 420 00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:36,054 I'm not a guy you wanna make threats to. 421 00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:38,578 I'm the guy who -- 422 00:17:38,578 --> 00:17:40,667 I hate to admit it, but I'm startin' to like this guy. 423 00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:44,323 [doorbell] 424 00:17:44,323 --> 00:17:45,890 Hello Jimmy. 425 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,240 I got a glowing report from the Black Paw Tribe. 426 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,286 I fully expected you to bungle it. 427 00:17:50,286 --> 00:17:51,809 I'm happy to say you proved me wrong. 428 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,028 Thanks, McCool. 429 00:17:54,028 --> 00:17:55,639 You know, the Indians have a saying. 430 00:17:55,639 --> 00:17:57,684 "Keep the cops off your porch." 431 00:17:57,684 --> 00:17:59,251 Let's go get a beer. 432 00:17:59,251 --> 00:18:00,644 I can't drink now. I'm on duty. 433 00:18:00,644 --> 00:18:04,038 But I'm not leaving until I hear every detail. 434 00:18:04,038 --> 00:18:06,824 [crash] 435 00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:08,304 What was that?Nuttin'. 436 00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:10,132 The - uh - furnace is acting up. 437 00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:12,264 I've suffered through enough winters to know my way 438 00:18:12,264 --> 00:18:12,960 around a furnace. 439 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,267 How about I take a look? 440 00:18:15,267 --> 00:18:16,660 Did I say furnace? 441 00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:17,661 I meant the water-heater. 442 00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,141 Oh, I worked through Mountie college 443 00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:23,101 installing water-heaters. 444 00:18:23,101 --> 00:18:24,842 Okay, I'll come clean. 445 00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:26,931 I didn't want to mention this but... 446 00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:29,803 well... it's Cookie. 447 00:18:29,803 --> 00:18:31,892 Her womanly time is upon us. 448 00:18:31,892 --> 00:18:33,590 So we had to lock her in the basement. 449 00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:35,809 Like a werewolf during a full moon. 450 00:18:35,809 --> 00:18:40,553 Say no more - Pre-Menstrual Syndrome knows no borders. 451 00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,512 It is a serious, debilitating condition 452 00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:43,948 that adversely affects men everywhere. 453 00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:46,907 I wish you strength. 454 00:18:46,907 --> 00:18:48,779 For Canada, 455 00:18:48,779 --> 00:18:51,738 where two men can discuss internal lady plumbing! 456 00:18:51,738 --> 00:18:55,394 [sonic boom] 457 00:18:55,394 --> 00:18:57,962 Thank you for your hard work everyone. 458 00:18:57,962 --> 00:18:59,746 We had a very successful cookie drive this year. 459 00:18:59,746 --> 00:19:03,794 True, it's not a competition, nor should it ever be, 460 00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,839 but one of you did sell 461 00:19:05,839 --> 00:19:07,928 considerably more than the others -- 462 00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:09,930 It's sort of like a best mom award, 463 00:19:09,930 --> 00:19:12,281 don't you think, Twinkie? 464 00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:14,848 Gina McDougal! 465 00:19:14,848 --> 00:19:17,111 Oh yeah! In your face, loser! 466 00:19:17,111 --> 00:19:19,549 You suck! Suuuuuck! Suck, suck, suck. 467 00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:20,332 Suck! 468 00:19:20,332 --> 00:19:22,204 Cookie, I don't think ... 469 00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:24,728 Talk to the hand, bee-yatch! 470 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,947 Say my name! C'mon, say it! 471 00:19:26,947 --> 00:19:28,688 Say my name! Who's your daddy? 472 00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:30,821 Mrs. McDougal! That's enough! 473 00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:31,343 What is wrong with you? 474 00:19:31,343 --> 00:19:33,650 There are children here! 475 00:19:33,650 --> 00:19:35,826 I'm afraid you'll have to leave, Mrs. McDougal. 476 00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,871 We don't tolerate that kind of behaviour at Field Girls. 477 00:19:37,871 --> 00:19:41,266 You may wait for your daughter outside because, of course, 478 00:19:41,266 --> 00:19:42,746 she is welcome. 479 00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:45,052 Gina has demonstrated exemplary behaviour 480 00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:48,012 and will be a fine addition to the Field Girls organization. 481 00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:50,362 How 'bout now? 482 00:19:51,972 --> 00:19:53,757 That's what I thought. 483 00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:55,541 Get offa... Quit it... 484 00:19:55,541 --> 00:19:57,456 F--- you ya mangy b---! 485 00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:02,896 Well, look who's back for another shot at the title! 486 00:20:02,896 --> 00:20:04,550 This guy's a tough nut. 487 00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:05,769 Maybe you should just cut your losses? 488 00:20:05,769 --> 00:20:07,901 No. 489 00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:09,903 We do this the Scottish way. 490 00:20:09,903 --> 00:20:11,557 Aw, Christ... Lemme think. 491 00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:21,698 How y'doin'?Find common ground! 492 00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:23,526 What, no "hello"? 493 00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:24,614 I got it! 494 00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,703 If we're gonna solve this conflict, 495 00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:29,314 we gotta find common ground. 496 00:20:29,314 --> 00:20:30,750 What could I possibly have in common 497 00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:33,100 with these kidnapping bastards? 498 00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:34,667 Well we gotta at least try! 499 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,278 Come on. Anybody? 500 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:38,845 What do we have in common? 501 00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:46,462 Hey! I know! 502 00:20:46,462 --> 00:20:49,029 ♪ Away, hey, with pints of ale ♪ 503 00:20:49,029 --> 00:20:51,249 ♪ If I go to jail then pay me bail ♪ 504 00:20:51,249 --> 00:20:53,295 ♪ I'll share you me bottle and I'll tell you a tale ♪ 505 00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:54,731 ♪ When I wake up in the morning ♪ 506 00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:57,690 ♪ I loved a girl named Betty McFawn ♪ 507 00:20:57,690 --> 00:20:58,735 ♪ It was a magic night that went till dawn ♪ 508 00:20:58,735 --> 00:21:01,651 ♪ She said 'quit smoking' so I was gone ♪ 509 00:21:01,651 --> 00:21:04,218 ♪ When she woke up in the morning ♪ 510 00:21:04,218 --> 00:21:06,482 ♪ Away, hey, with pints of ale ♪ 511 00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:07,483 You're alright, you know that? 512 00:21:07,483 --> 00:21:11,182 No, you're alright, O'Shea. 513 00:21:11,182 --> 00:21:13,793 Aw, look at you two getting along. 514 00:21:13,793 --> 00:21:16,100 You're like Sonny and Cher. 515 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:19,625 You're a tiny politician, and you can't sing. 516 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,235 You know what? 517 00:21:21,235 --> 00:21:23,716 I like beer. 518 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:27,807 Tell you what, you can have the land back. 519 00:21:27,807 --> 00:21:29,592 I'll divert the highway. 520 00:21:29,592 --> 00:21:30,114 No, no, no, no, no. 521 00:21:30,114 --> 00:21:32,072 Keep it where it is. 522 00:21:32,072 --> 00:21:34,466 We like you. 523 00:21:34,466 --> 00:21:36,599 You can have the land. 524 00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:38,688 No, no, I insist. 525 00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:41,255 And on top of that I'm gonna get you fellas 526 00:21:41,255 --> 00:21:45,042 a huge grant to build a casino. 527 00:21:45,042 --> 00:21:47,087 I am not going to offend you. 528 00:21:47,087 --> 00:21:48,567 It's a deal. 529 00:21:50,830 --> 00:21:52,832 Can you believe it, Jimmy? 530 00:21:52,832 --> 00:21:55,531 It all worked out 'cause of me! 531 00:21:55,531 --> 00:21:57,489 Well they don't call you "S--- For Brains" for nothing.